As I thought about a recent disappointment I wondered how I could have stooped so low,made such an error in judgment. To be candid, I had been reactive. And like my boss would always say being reactive never panned out well.
I swung like a violent pendulum between the good I was bent on seeing and the evil that lurked insidiously, playing peek-a-boo in short intense bursts I had imagined no one capable of. At least, not anyone around me. Or, anyone I knew. I soon vacillated between self righteous anger and docile guilt. Thanks to just about the 'right kind of fellowship'
Yet, I had felt that if I had not discovered somehow that I had made an error in judgment I would have considered my choice worth convincing, worth keeping. I had even tried that when I had presumed and not known; when I had been bent on seeing milk and honey where only death, deception and destruction lurked.
As it turned out, things were not the way they seemed, at least not the way I had wished they were- all true, and clean, pure and sincere, at least a 'good' heart or a right one- the peek-a- boo was the truth.
What hurt me most was the mentality of a destroyer. Honored and cherished as I have come to find myself, this person had no qualms destroying what others were in love with.
As I berated myself and cursed my costly lapse in judgment, I heard the word- I was not to blame myself for believing good of another human, of expecting that they meant well and finding it difficult to believe that they meant harm. I put my faith in people in expecting the best out of them. I should not feel bad for putting myself out there and caring. I had done nothing wrong in putting my faith in someone and believing more of them than they were by a long shot.
I only needed to be careful. To know that people are wicked. There actually are people who take pride in being unscrupulous. There ARE people who actually do NOT have a conscience, do not feel bound to do good. They do good only when they feel like it not because they feel like they owe it to their fellow man or to serve God with it. There is no limit to how low they can stoop.
I heard yesterday of how five boys went to meet an undergraduate female student at her parents house, raped her and as if that was not bad enough they killed her AND THEN RIPPED OUT HER INNARDS!!!!!!
Tell me, are those boys still human? Do they still have a soul? Or are they just demons in human bodies, their own souls long gone...
Well, now I know they exist.. Now I know they exist in the lives of common faces- husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancés, fiancées, colleagues, friends... Evil beyond measure.
The human mind is capable of infinite evil. It is also capable of infinite good. The truth though is that, evil abounds more than good. Why I close my eyes and expect the latter in any human at all beats me. How much more the fact that I look into the eyes of a stranger and expect the better.
I surprised myself last week. Yes, I recouped myself because I can't imagine life otherwise. For some, that 'surprise' is their way of life, their choice, they won't or perhaps cannot imagine their lives any other way...
Now I know, I cannot do wrong by loving, by caring, by believing, having faith in people, but I can do myself, other people, the whole world, my destiny a whole lot of wrong by being a fool.
I would be a fool to fancy an enemy a friend, a fool to run straight into a spear stretched out pointed at me, a fool to cast my pearls before swine.
I swung like a violent pendulum between the good I was bent on seeing and the evil that lurked insidiously, playing peek-a-boo in short intense bursts I had imagined no one capable of. At least, not anyone around me. Or, anyone I knew. I soon vacillated between self righteous anger and docile guilt. Thanks to just about the 'right kind of fellowship'
Yet, I had felt that if I had not discovered somehow that I had made an error in judgment I would have considered my choice worth convincing, worth keeping. I had even tried that when I had presumed and not known; when I had been bent on seeing milk and honey where only death, deception and destruction lurked.
As it turned out, things were not the way they seemed, at least not the way I had wished they were- all true, and clean, pure and sincere, at least a 'good' heart or a right one- the peek-a- boo was the truth.
What hurt me most was the mentality of a destroyer. Honored and cherished as I have come to find myself, this person had no qualms destroying what others were in love with.
As I berated myself and cursed my costly lapse in judgment, I heard the word- I was not to blame myself for believing good of another human, of expecting that they meant well and finding it difficult to believe that they meant harm. I put my faith in people in expecting the best out of them. I should not feel bad for putting myself out there and caring. I had done nothing wrong in putting my faith in someone and believing more of them than they were by a long shot.
I only needed to be careful. To know that people are wicked. There actually are people who take pride in being unscrupulous. There ARE people who actually do NOT have a conscience, do not feel bound to do good. They do good only when they feel like it not because they feel like they owe it to their fellow man or to serve God with it. There is no limit to how low they can stoop.
I heard yesterday of how five boys went to meet an undergraduate female student at her parents house, raped her and as if that was not bad enough they killed her AND THEN RIPPED OUT HER INNARDS!!!!!!
Tell me, are those boys still human? Do they still have a soul? Or are they just demons in human bodies, their own souls long gone...
Well, now I know they exist.. Now I know they exist in the lives of common faces- husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancés, fiancées, colleagues, friends... Evil beyond measure.
The human mind is capable of infinite evil. It is also capable of infinite good. The truth though is that, evil abounds more than good. Why I close my eyes and expect the latter in any human at all beats me. How much more the fact that I look into the eyes of a stranger and expect the better.
I surprised myself last week. Yes, I recouped myself because I can't imagine life otherwise. For some, that 'surprise' is their way of life, their choice, they won't or perhaps cannot imagine their lives any other way...
Now I know, I cannot do wrong by loving, by caring, by believing, having faith in people, but I can do myself, other people, the whole world, my destiny a whole lot of wrong by being a fool.
I would be a fool to fancy an enemy a friend, a fool to run straight into a spear stretched out pointed at me, a fool to cast my pearls before swine.
